Adam shifts Beth into believing she is looking at the situation incorrectly. See this for what it is--a defensive reaction to shift attention away from your partner's problems. But the quickest way to turn a healthy debate into an unhealthy debacle is to have it with someone who will twist your words around until they mean something else. If your partner starts involving outside people into your fights, it's a possibility that they're not being completely transparent about their feelings.. It seems like I am only creating more of a problem trying to discuss my feeling withs him. "We have a … Even in the heat of an argument, try to remember that you and your partner are on the same team. He is always on the defense, what can I do when it comes to talking about important issues. Occasionally getting into an argument with your partner is inevitable, but this hardly means that practical solutions aren’t near at hand. Once you cease to discuss the single issue at play, it is easy to move into an argument about who is always right and who is always wrong. It’s an all-too-common trajectory for married couples: Fall in love, begin your lives together, then proceed to get comfortable and take everything for granted. My husband has become angry and we argue about everything I enjoy his company generally, but now even a simple question turns into a fight. We need to stick to what's happening right now.” Then he argues that point, completely ignoring what you really said. As a result, an argument about the smallest of issues can escalate quickly and fiercely. If you husband attempts to introduce unrelated complaints or arguments, calmly say, “That's another argument and we should talk about it another time. San Francisco-based marriage therapist Susan Pease Gadoua sees couples complain about this problem all the time. 8. I wanna have an adult conversation without all the turmoil. I worry there is something underlying it Don't blame me because you're tired. Don't be distracted into looking for the problem within yourself. If you didn't let the kids make such big messes and allow everything to get so chaotic you wouldn't be so tired of cleaning up." Talk … Does your spouse blame you for everything? So proving how “right” you are and how “wrong” they are isn’t a worthwhile pursuit. Put the plan into action: Rosie Behr, 53, of Baltimore, used this technique to tackle her ongoing argument with her husband about how he gives her directions when she's driving. I don't understand and usually end up upset and depressed. The last thing you need is to get into a big argument. When I try and speak to my husband about anything I am unhappy about in our relationship he turns it around on me and tells me it's something about me that's the problem. 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